The Lemon/Lime Fiasco

So, I did carry through with my idea of sewing the lemon to the lime. However, I did not run into those damned evangelists again. So, instead of throwing it at their feet, I opted to leave it in the lounge on my floor. It garnered a surprising amount of support. Apparently though, that's also called blasphemy.
Today, I got my punishment. Of all the things that God could have done to punish me, bolts of lightning, the plagues of Egypt, all that cool stuff, he chooses to take a dump on me. Quite literally. As I was walking back to my building after picking up some liquid nails (fixed the mirror by the way) I got shat on my some damnable bird. Of all luck... I have never been shat on by a bird before, and hope to never undergo that experience again. Thank god I didn't have a shotgun.
Apparently, god doesn't like blasphemy. Go figure. It seems like the big guy can't take a joke.

Lemons and Limes

I have a plan. Tomorrow, at lunch maybe, I'm going to use a meal option to buy a single lemon, and a single lime. I will slice them in half, and sew one half of the lemon to one half of the lime, using my trusty, emergency sewing kit. Then, I will look for those damned evangelists that come by every so often. If and when I spot them, I will throw this monstrosity at their feet and proclaim, "Where is your god now!?"
At this point I'll probably be arrested, but hopefully they'll get the message. They have their beliefs, I have mine. It would be better for both of us if we didn't force our beliefs on each other. Seriously, I haven't found Jesus. I'm not going to. Stop asking me. What kind of zealots can't even keep track of there own god, always asking people if they've found him?
That's just irresponsible.