The Good Old Days

People keep telling me to make these days last; these are the good old days. It's funny to me, because I always thought that I had passed my good old days. Those days that I look back on fondly, aren't those the good old days? Apparently not. Apparently these are my good old days. days which are neither all too good, or old at all, in the scheme of things thus far. In fact, these are my most recent days, and at best they're good, not great, certainly not noteworthy.
So that leads to only one possible conclusion: there are no good old days. There, I said it. You know what though? I'm perfectly fine with that idea. What good would it do me to have the ability to reminisce about days long since past? How would that benefit me in any way? Instead of singly out a few days or years or what-have-you, why don't I just remember them as a whole, my collective past, if you will. Indeed, that would be better.
Instead of living in the past, and wishing for a return to the good old days, I can take my lessons from every day long since passed, and move on with my life, enjoying each day as it comes. Why can't the rest of you do this? Why resist the inevitable change and struggle to reassert old, dead days and ways? Come on, you know as well as I do that the good old days are a lie. They're just a collection of memories which, over the years, you have glorified and made into something that they never were.
Face it, your good old days were never all that good. Life was still hard; it still sucked just as much. The only difference is that now you have a better understanding of those days, something which you did not have back then. So, in reality, you were just as fucked back then as you are now. You reminisce because hindsight is 20/20. That's all it boils down to.

Sorry old friends, but you're not so much different than me. Get off your high horse. Face the facts that life has always been hard, and you've always been unsure of yourself. You've always struggled and you always will. The past is only an older version of the present and the future, just with fewer neat gadgets, and everything was in black and white, or sepia tone, as the case may be.

Embrace the new days, the ones beyond technicolour, the ones even beyond today. Embrace tomorrow, and give up on the past. Just let go already, because you'll never get it back.

And trust me, if you could, you wouldn't want it anyway.

2008

Happy 2008 my friends. You know what my favourite part of this year is going to be? That's right; we're ditching Bush.

I have a fever and am wretching, so I'll stay brief.
I wish to you all a marvelous and wondrous new year. Enjoy it.

I Learned Something

Tonight I stood outside and watched the snow falling around me. I know that it's not the kind of thing that people often to and expect to learn, but I did. I stood there, soul searching, wondering what it was that I was missing, what it could be that I didn't get. As I stood there, deep in thought, I took note of all the beauty, of all the splendor found in such a thing as snow. I began to think of all the small miracles that were happening around me, of all the wonders which I had always taken for granted.
While I was in this daze, this effective coma, I opened my mouth ever so slightly, without even thinking of it. A snowflake hit my tongue, not a large one, or a perfect one. It was simple and plain, so far as snowflakes go. I dismissed it.
I waited, and looking back on that one snowflake, I had hoped that another, more grand snowflake would hit my tongue. That was the perfect moment that I was looking for. I waited, and waited, and waited. No other ever came to my lips, much less my tongue. I struggled; I twisted and contorted, trying to get that one perfect snowflake.
No flake came to my lips. Instead, what came was a word, "Already." I had already had that one perfect moment, yet I dismissed it entirely. Perfection had already come to my lips, but I was so busy drowning in my own thoughts, in my own questions, in my narcissism, that I had scarcely noticed, much less appreciated that moment.
There it was, my moment of perfect realization. In that instant I realized that all along, whilst I've been complaining and searching, everything has been perfect. It always has been and always will be. Everything I have seen, touched, felt has been perfect, and I just never noticed it. As I sit at my computer at 1:34AM, writing this small tribute to an idea that I can never convey in its entirety, I know that it is still perfect. I know that I am perfect, that you are perfect, that this small time which I hold even now is perfect.
Why, why is this all so perfect?
I'll tell you why. It's perfect becau...

No.
No, it doesn't need a reason.
It does not need an explanation.
Perfection simply is.

The Lemon/Lime Fiasco

So, I did carry through with my idea of sewing the lemon to the lime. However, I did not run into those damned evangelists again. So, instead of throwing it at their feet, I opted to leave it in the lounge on my floor. It garnered a surprising amount of support. Apparently though, that's also called blasphemy.
Today, I got my punishment. Of all the things that God could have done to punish me, bolts of lightning, the plagues of Egypt, all that cool stuff, he chooses to take a dump on me. Quite literally. As I was walking back to my building after picking up some liquid nails (fixed the mirror by the way) I got shat on my some damnable bird. Of all luck... I have never been shat on by a bird before, and hope to never undergo that experience again. Thank god I didn't have a shotgun.
Apparently, god doesn't like blasphemy. Go figure. It seems like the big guy can't take a joke.

Lemons and Limes

I have a plan. Tomorrow, at lunch maybe, I'm going to use a meal option to buy a single lemon, and a single lime. I will slice them in half, and sew one half of the lemon to one half of the lime, using my trusty, emergency sewing kit. Then, I will look for those damned evangelists that come by every so often. If and when I spot them, I will throw this monstrosity at their feet and proclaim, "Where is your god now!?"
At this point I'll probably be arrested, but hopefully they'll get the message. They have their beliefs, I have mine. It would be better for both of us if we didn't force our beliefs on each other. Seriously, I haven't found Jesus. I'm not going to. Stop asking me. What kind of zealots can't even keep track of there own god, always asking people if they've found him?
That's just irresponsible.

I've Come To Understand...

That certain people feel as though I am "abandoning my friends." This could easily seem to be the case, so I do not blame them for feeling so, but here's what's really going on...

I've always had to make a conscious effort to make plans with people. I have always been the one saying "let's hang out." Well, now I have a lot of things to take care of. I have responsibilities that I must abide by. Said responsibilities leave me with little energy and little time, so I no longer make the effort that I once did, figuring that my friends will pick up the slack. Thing is, they didn't. Real friendships go both ways, and aren't based on one person asking the other to hang out. Things shouldn't be one sided.

But they are.

Also, things change. I'm not the same as I was a year ago, or a year before that, and next year I won't be the same as I am now. That said, here's the deal: Keep up with me, or I'll leave you behind. Does it suck? Yeah. But that's the way my life goes. I've never stayed in one place, in one click, in one manner, for more than a couple of years. Either you accept me, and all of my changes; either you come with me whilst I move into the future; either you make the effort that any true friend would, or I will leave you behind.

I never look back.

It's Been A While

I know; I know. It's been a long time since I've made a post. Honestly though, I don't give much of a damn, because no one really reads this crap anyway. I've been busy this summer, as I suppose I should be, it being my summer before college and all that shit. Anyway, here's a brief synopsis of everything since my last post...
I graduated, woohoo, blah blah blah. So I've got this little slip of paper that says that I've completed more school that 35% of the population of this town. It's nice to be out of high school though, what with all its people whom I've struggled with myself over whether or not to kill. After graduation, I've lost interest in most of the people I once called friends. I'm not sure if it's because of the way I've always lived my life, the fact that I've changed, or simply that they weren't very interesting people to begin with.
I got a job. Yeah, I'm back at the fish market again. Every day when I get home, I wash my hands in vinegar, soap, Ajax, and cologne. Then I take my 20 minute shower. Because I spend 7-10 hours every day in a cooler, I have a bit of a winter cough and often a full blown cold. Bog Woop.
I'm still going out with Melissa, and we've never been better. She's still the love of my life, and I doubt it's going to change. I've spent just about every weekend with her and loved them.
When not spending time with Melissa or fish, I spend it with the friends that I'll never see again. Oh wait, no I don't. Most of the people I've been spending time with are the people that I'll be spending the next 4-5 years of my life with. I guess no one else is really that worth-while.
That's about that. Maybe later on I'll post some stories about specific events. Maybe I won't. Who knows? Who cares?